My wife, Carol (not her real name), and I would seem to most observers to have the perfect life. Carol is 48, very pretty, and still has the figure of a teen. She has a masters degree in education and teaches third grade at the elementary school in the school system in which she was raised throughout her own childhood. I told her mother a story once, and accidentally used a friends name instead of hers. My girlfriend became insane. She told me I was a jerk; that I did not deserve her. I apologized and said that it was an accident. She told me that I could never see her again. A few minutes later, she forgave me. From then on, it was torture.
My ex always wanted to pretend wrestle. She would start pinching me, grabbing me, trying to throw me on the ground. At first it was fun, but then it became sick. She would try to cause me harm. She would bite me, try to cut me, give me Indian burns. I would resist her, but she became more and more abusive. All while pretending that it was just “play”.
We became sexual. This was the worst mistake of my life. She became furious when I protested that we use protection, and that she go on the pill, or use a birth control other than my condoms. She told me that it made her sick, and that I was abusive to want her to take responsibility. She became demanding of sex, telling me when we were supposed to have it and how, including having sex in the living room of her family’s home. She demanded I beat her in bed, that I cut her with razors – things I would not do. When I refused, she told me that I did not really love her; that I was cruel.
It was then that she began to beg for unprotected sex. I would tell her no. She would try to rape me, and succeeded a few times. My fear that she would become pregnant was enormous. It still haunts me to this day. It was then that she told me she had cancer, and could not have children. She said that this was why she wanted unprotected sex – because it did not matter since she could not become pregnant. She told me at first that it meant she was sterile. Then she added a new dimension: she told me she only had a few years to live.
I was emotionally trapped. Believing that she only had a few years to live, I put up with the constant rape, leaving me bruised and scared. I put up with mind games, including her pretending that I had cheated on her, so she could yell at me. And I put up with being “broken up with”, and being given “the silent treatment” so I could “know how horrible I was”.
To make things worse, my girlfriend then began to pretend that she was pregnant. She would joke about what I wanted to name my children. She would tell me that she lied about being sterile. I would cry in pain. Then she would say it was a joke. She repeatedly told me that she was dying, but would tell me different stories and different lengths to live, just to torture me.
I managed to escape a few weeks ago. I live in constant fear that she will come after me. I have no moments peace. I have sexuality issues now. I have no desire to date another woman ever again. Any sexual thoughts I have are geared toward frustration and anger. My insurance does not cover psychologists and I cannot afford a therapist. I feel trapped. I urge any men who are being abused, whether it is physical, sexual, emotional or financial, to escape to a shelter immediately. You do not deserve to be treated the way you are. You have done nothing wrong. It takes a REAL man to ask for help. Be a real man. Seek help for yourself, your family, and the woman battering you.